‘I warned them’: Man's step-family begs him to loan distant cousin money despite man's big spending warnings years earlier

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 5, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

Distant family members might not reach out to you for birthdays, but they will reach out when they need a big favor.

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  • Family drama is inevitable when you're living under the same roof. What about when you're halfway across the world? Yep, drama happens just the same. You don't have to be biologically related to find common traits. When it comes to thick stubbornness or downright nerve, it seems as though a lot of people have that in common. Sweating the small stuff in family drama is really easy to do, and it's even easier when you're sweating the big stuff.

    Maybe, say, being asked to give your barely-there cousin a charitable donation because they're struggling with a 2.8 million dollar mortgage payment after you warned them not to? Especially when you're trying to make ends meet on a meager salary just the same? The man in this story is getting asked to “donate” large sums of money to a financially confused cousin by distant relatives, despite the man warning him that buying the 2.8 million dollar property will dig him into a deep financial crevice. 

    Despite the man's best efforts, his cousin goes ahead with the purchase and finds that the financial hole is just too big to bear. I wonder who told him that? Continue reading to see what others have to say about his conflicted decision.

  • 01
    AITA if I don't help a relative because they wasted their money buying a house for 2.8Million
    via iWant**Money
  • 02
    I [M40] have a blended family and a cousin [M34] on my step- parent's side who used to be close to me. However, due to him moving abroad and conflicts over an inheritance, we no longer talk these days. Recently, I've been receiving calls from various local and overseas relatives asking for financial help for my cousin. He has defaulted on his house payments and is more than six months behind on mortgage and loan repayments because his wife [native Chinese] convinced him to buy a house in Shangha
    via iWant**Money
  • 03
    When we were still talking, and he told me that he was going to buy this ludicrously expensive 2.8 million RMB house (about 400k USD) that was basically a concrete box. I told him he was insane and would regret it for many reasons, but particularly because he would never actually own the place due to Chinese laws. Now, four years later, he still owes nearly 2 million RMB on his mortgage since his payments have only been
    via iWant**Money
  • 04
    only been covering the interest, and near an additional 1 million RMB in loans for the decorations concrete box a place you used to make that can live in.
    via iWant**Money
  • 05
    I am a teacher in the US, and I don't earn enough money to own my own house, so how am I supposed to give someone else money to pay off theirs when I warned them this would come back to bite them HARD? In the Chinese real estate market, you are always just one bad day or one conman away from losing three generations of
    via iWant**Money
  • 06
    savings. This house was so expensive (for him) that it took up 70% of his monthly income just to pay the interest on the mortgage. Now, I am being harassed for his stupidity to help him out of this hole because I let on that I had a decent savings account. It's not house money,
    via iWant**Money
  • 07
    but I want to buy a new new car; something nice for once and not just new to me. Even my biological family is giving me grief about this. But I don't want to help. Will I be the if I don't help them?
    via iWant**Money
  • 08
    Cuteee_Bunnyyy 1d ago • NTA. You warned him about the risks involved in buying such an expensive house, and he chose not to listen to your advice. It's not your responsibility to bail him out of a financial situation that he created for himself.
    via Cuteee_Bunnyyy
  • 09
    Maximum-Swan-1009 Part ipant [4] . 1d ago NTA. You have to look after your bills to pay and cannot afford to pay for his extravagance. Can he sell it in the current market? The thought of a $400,000 mansion did make me smile because here that amount would buy you a shack next to a dump - maybe.
    via Maximum-Swan-1009
  • 10
    twstwr20 6h ago • Ask them to donate to you. You don't even have a home. Where's their donation?!?
    via twstwr20
  • 11
    • TallTinTX 1d ago NTA. Donate one dollar. That's what you can afford. If family doesn't like that, you can say you offered advice that would have saved him $400k had he heeded it.
    via TallTinTX
  • 12
    BobRagu • 12h ago Edited 58m ago INFO: what was the inheritance dispute about? Edit: edited for clarity
    via BobRagu
  • 13
    iWant money OP 4h ago • We had a great auntie who was on my step- parent's side of the family pass away three years ago [107 years old]. Her husband and I got along well when I was younger, and when he passed away like 10 or 15 years ago, he had left behind some stuff for everyone when Auntie passed.
    via iWant**Money
  • 14
    There was a really nice antique watch that was given to me in Auntie's will from him, and cousin was mad because technically it should have been passed down to him, but he was a doughnut in the past, which Uncle didn't like. I don't think the watch is even worth money, it's just a family keepsake.
    via iWant**Money
  • 15
    • Bella_madera 14h ago Remind everyone Adult relationships are voluntary. I block relatives whenever they behave entitled to my time or money. Idgaf.
    via Bella_Madera
  • 16
    Parking-Fly5611 . 17h ago NTA. He ignored solid advice, doesn't work now and already behind 6 months. Even if you were a fool and made arrears on his late payments, he still wouldn't be able to make the payments and be back in the same condition in 6 months.
    via Parking-Fly5611
  • 17
    He surely would not likely ever repay you. Whomever is pressuring you to absorb a debt for his home, when you can't afford one of your own; tell them to get bent.
    via Parking-Fly5611
  • 18
    Louis V25 • 1d ago Colo NTA. Surgeon [36] 1. You don't have it. 2. You don't owe it. 3. Never put yourself in debt for other people. 4. Never give money you need. 5. Loans to family are often just a gift. 6. No is a complete sentence. 7. Block is a useful button on your phone.
    via LouisV25
  • 19
    Longjumping Win4291 • 19h ago Part ipant [2] NTA A fool and his money is easily parted. You warned him and he ignored you. Now your faced with the rest of the family trying to guilt you into throwing good money after bad. You know what to do, block all the relatives for a while. Don't answer the door to them and take a break from the family.
    via Longjumping_Win4291
  • 20
    Rabbit-Fricassee • 6h ago Easy. Don't even respond to him. You owe nothing to anybody.
    via Rabbit-Fricassee

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